Abortion Doesn’t Happen Without Unwanted Ejaculation. 5 Ways to Fight the Real Fight.

As the Trump administration begins to move the fight to end abortion across the globe, it is time to broaden the conversation and target the real reasons we have a need for abortion. The need for abortion starts, and ends, with men.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

We continue to discuss the pro-life movement in a narrative about moral women. We continue to describe abortion as a woman’s problem, when women are only half the equation. Without uncontrolled ejaculation there would be no need for non-medical abortion.

We must stop feeding a culture that expects women to ask the questions and men to answer. One that sees women as less than, perpetuates childhood sexual abuse, and continues to subjugate and objectify women as sexual slaves to men’s sexual needs. We must stop expecting “boys to be boys”, giving passes for demeaning locker room talk, and looking the other way when men perpetrate sexual violence, harassment, and abuse of all kinds.

If we want abortion to end, it’s not Roe v. Wade that needs to be dismantled, it’s the patriarchal culture that suppresses and marginalizes women as pawns for men.

Roe v. Wade has become a battle cry for anti-abortionists. Roe v. Wade is about a woman’s right to own her sexuality, dictate what happens to her body, and control her reproductive timing. Roe v. Wade is about much more than abortion. To simplify the argument as just focused on women’s reproductive choices is to distract from the real reasons abortion exists. Pregnancy does not happen without ejaculation. To focus solely on Roe v. Wade or the end result of ejaculation (pregnancy) is short-sighted and futile.

Abortion exists because we haven’t addressed toxic masculinity culture that maintains a woman’s life is in service of men. At this time in our society, without abortion a woman’s right to her own body, autonomy for life direction, agency in our society, and ability to live independently are all subject to reproductive timing. Reproductive timing for females depends on men taking ownership sexual behavior. If men cannot take responsibility for ending sexual abuse/violence and creating children non-medical abortion will continue.

To begin changing the conversation about abortion and begin to fight the right fight, we must re-examine why the abortion debate centers on women and not on men, even though pregnancy does not happen without semen. We must then commit to ending the cultural beliefs and narratives that perpetuate uncontrolled ejaculation and objectify women as sexual objects to be owned and conquered by men.

It is classic blame shifting. Sadly, men are absent from the protest signs, verbal abuse hurled at women walking into the clinic (even when receiving routine health care), and shaming double standards of sexuality in our patriarchal society.

If we want to end non-medical abortion, we must fight the right fight. We must end toxic masculinity that ties a man’s worth to his cock and demeans women as objects to be possessed, used, abused, and owned by men.

5 Areas That Must Change if Abortion is To End.

We must end the patriarchal culture that has castrated the feminine and created toxic masculinity.

Byproducts of toxic masculinity tie men’s sexuality to aggression, conquest, worth, and power. As a result, to prove oneself “a man” women’s sexuality is coveted. These cultural beliefs are then used to negate women’s sexual experiences and value. Stop the demeaning comments, advertising, sexual using, and scapegoating of women’s bodies. Stop using women’s sexuality as a reward for men. Women do not need men to have a good sexual experience and they do not need ejaculation.

In fact ejaculation often ends a woman’s sexual experience too soon. Ancient practices knew this and taught men to control ejaculation. They understood orgasm control enhanced sexual experiences for all parties. We have lost that art.

When the culture highjacks women’s sexuality it impacts all & creates a toxic expectation of women to serve men’s needs. We have seen this play out in many ways.

• No term for marital rape until the 1970s.
• Couldn’t get contraception.
• Couldn’t leave a marriage without proving “fault” until the 1970s, often men were in positions of power that could “approve” such faults as worthy and allow the woman to end the marriage or not.
• Sexual harassment didn’t exist. Women’s bodies were part of the boss’s work assets.
• Women couldn’t get bank accounts, buy homes, get credit cards, or even list her full name under the recipe in cookbooks because she didn’t have legitimacy without a man.
• Her college & career choices were limited and usually subservient options.
• Ability to chose her own life path stunted by the need to get married to engage “adult” actions that move socio-economic status forward.
• She did not (and still does not) make as much money as men doing similar work.
• Did not have the same business opportunities.
• Men had to legitimize and allow her to follow her passion. Which was expected to be housekeeping, cooking, cleaning, and caring for his home, body, and children.

And the list goes on. Women have been fighting for equal rights for a long, long time. Without them the need for non-medical abortion will continue to exist.

We must stop treating our boys differently than our girls when it comes to sexual experience. We must allow our men and boys to own sensitivities and embrace emotional experiences without calling them weak.

We must stop demanding that women be submissive and passive and telling our boys to be aggressive and not show vulnerability. Without vulnerability one cannot be authentic. Without authenticity men are not able to be true to themselves and those around them. This leads many men to use women as a gateway to their vulnerability, emotional experiences, and intimacy. It’s not that they don’t need and want those things, it’s that our culture won’t allow them to embrace them as true and real experiences for themselves. This splitting of experience has led to a host of issues seemingly unrelated e.g. unchecked exploitation in pursuit of progress along with continued abuse of animals, other humans, and environments deemed weaker on the path to said progress.

We must stop allowing our boys to speak about women’s bodies as though they are something to be claimed as a prize for a job well done, a touchdown scored, a deal landed. We must teach men how to deal with and express true and depth oriented emotion so they are not using sex as a regulator for energy and a way to connect with sensitive parts within themselves. This behavior shifts the burden for intimacy back on women, rather than men taking responsibility for their real and true emotional connection.

This is the counter action of castrating the feminine, we also lose the deeper connection to true masculinity. We lose the balance. We all have masculine and feminine expressions within us. In the larger reality these concepts are not linked to our sex organs. However our culture has stripped the true meaning of these energies down from deeper meanings to shallow shells lacking substance. As a result the feminine is collapsed and the masculine unchecked.

We must take a hard look at poverty, lack of education, addiction, and sexual violence against women if we want to end abortion. We must look at our own role in perpetuating these aspects of our culture.

Poverty is a trauma. It is dysregulating to our nervous system when we do not have enough to eat, cannot find adequate care, housing, clothing, and meet basic needs. This increase in stress brings puberty earlier and creates a biological drive to keep the species going. Nature senses a hard life may end early, but without adequate resources many find procreating becomes another beginning to poverty cycles with generations locked within poverty systems.

We all have a role to play in poverty. We must own ours if we want non-medical abortion to end. As one of the richest countries in the world, it is appalling how many in our society live in squalor so a few can boast showing their “worth” through materialism and manipulation of those less fortunate. We must stop perpetuating this manipulation and out of control materialism.To own our own roles, we must begin to look at the true cost of the cheap item purchased.

Photo by Jan Baborák on Unsplash

We must honor all work. Begin to honor the person who cleans the house so another can use their gifts and talents in the world. Be grateful for the person who picks up the trash so our refuse isn’t spreading disease and plague as was the norm just a few generations back. All work matters. We must show respect and honor for all work as it is all needed and important.

We will not shift away from capitalizing on poverty and begin honoring work roles, until we shift the way we value education.

Education is key to decreasing family size. Research repeatedly shows higher education is correlated with later and lower birth rates. In addition, 3rd grade reading scores are correlated with building future prison beds.

If we want to end abortion we need to increase early childhood education, teach parenting skills, support the pair that conceived from conception through the child’s entire childhood, offer support for basic needs including quality nutrition for developing brains and fetuses. These are the things that end abortion, not the angry protests at the clinic.

We must address addiction culture. Addiction is a devastating situation. It is often (not always) linked to poverty, lack of education, family histories, trauma, marginalization, and oppression. When people feel no hope, it’s no wonder they turn to addictive behaviors to numb away from painful situations. We also know addiction has a biological component and runs in families.

Addictive culture is related to need for non-medical abortion due to sex as a commodity. Often women in addictive culture are targeted and used for sexual performance via prostitution, sexual slavery, and sex as payment for drugs. Programming targeted toward women in addictive patterns and children born addicted is needed to stop multi-generational addiction patterns.

If we truly want to end addiction and the consequences of addictive cultures that can result in pregnancy, we must create an environment that provides involvement in successful treatment models rather than the criminal justice system. We must look at the systemic reasons people use addictive behaviors in the first place and offer support not scapegoating.

Research highlights the high number of women in addictive culture who have suffered sexual trauma and abuse. High numbers of women struggling with addiction were sexually abused as children and many more victims of rape and sexual assault as adults. If we really want to end non-medical abortion we must address the reasons women find themselves in abusive relationships, drug culture, prostitution rings, and sold into sexual slavery. We must address the toxic masculinity that creates trauma and sexual violence against women in the first place. Men perpetrate most sexual violence around the world and without abortion rights, women bear the burden of men’s sexual violence in more ways than one.

If we truly want to end abortion we must take a look at our systemic attack on education, addiction, scapegoating, sexual violence perpetration, and the disrespect we give to those “beneath” us in the labor market as we use our privilege and wealth to look the other way and show off our aggression, intelligence, and value.

We must get active and participate in the right activities.

If you really want to end non-medical abortion, fund comprehensive care clinics like Planned Parenthood focused on providing and researching women’s sexual health — especially those that support women living in poverty, push for education equality, support men’s emotional sensitivities and vulnerabilities, stop sexual violence and harassment toward women, provide quality treatment for addiction, and support basic needs for all in our society.

Go deeper and learn the real reason behind the evangelical attack on Roe v. Wade. It’s not what you might think despite what you have been told.

Protest and defund the high school football game, college frat houses, and 2am bar close where the need for abortion starts. Quit protesting the end result. Make real change by targeting when and where pregnancy starts. And make sure you include both parties in your protest signs and chants. Hold men responsible for the children they create.

Teach men to embrace sensitivity and emotional expression so they aren’t using women to release these feelings and stop perpetuating toxic masculinity as a cultural norm. Stop teaching men that women and others are to be conquered and emotional expression is weak.

Abortion is not a women’s problem … it’s a cultural problem where men have been placed at the top with no consequences for their sexual behavior. To end abortion we must stop unwanted ejaculation. With all our medical advances, why do we not have birth control for men yet?

We must ask ourselves who benefits?

Ask yourself who benefits if the focus stays on the woman carrying the child?

Who benefits if we continue to stay simple in our assessment of the abortion problem by calling her a slut, whore, unholy?

Who benefits if we stay focused on the end result of unwanted pregnancy rather than the systemic issues we all participate in which keep the need for abortion going?

Who benefits when you are focused on voting as a single issue voter? Rather than looking at the deeper reasons behind the issue.

The status quo folks benefit. The ones hoping you don’t look deeper. The ones who want you to stay focused with your passionate emotion. You are easier to control that way. Men who are not held accountable for the children they create. They benefit. Those who want women “in their place”, beneath men, and continuing to make the world turn. They benefit.

Those in power get to keep doing what they have always done if you stay distracted by simple arguments. They want you to stay simple in your protests. Simple issues rarely exist. Look deeper at why they want you to stay small and simple.

Abortion is not just a woman’s sexual issue — it’s about much more in our patriarchal, subjugating and oppressive society. Let’s call it what it is. Abortion is a man’s problem women continue to carry.

In Summary … Here’s what we need to commit to.

• If we want to end the need for abortion we must stop scapegoating women as sluts and whores. We must take a true look at men’s role in unwanted pregnancy.
• We must stop highjacking women’s sexuality as something to be “grabbed”, used as a reward, and to help men feel powerful.
• We must end sexual violence and abuse.
• We must stop allowing cycles of poverty and a lack of meeting basic needs to persist for the most vulnerable in our society.
• We must create educational equality and change the way we show value of work.
• We must stop treating our boy’s emotional health differently than our girls. We must hold expectations for emotional regulation, authority, prowess, power, and individualistic determination as something for all without stealing from or taking down another to get it.
• We must allow for individual expression while recognizing our collective connections.
• We must stop unwanted pregnancy at the source — ejaculation — asking men to take their rightful place in the abortion debate. We must hold men accountable for children they help create rather than shaming women for carrying a child they couldn’t have created on their own. It takes 2 to make a baby.
• We must end the castration of the sacred feminine and stop the spread of toxic masculinity. If we want abortion to end teach boys and men the value of women, the sacredness of the feminine which we all carry, and stop placing female bodies on a prize shelf to be claimed.
• If we want to end abortion we must fight the right fight and stop laying the burden of men’s sexuality on women, while reducing women’s sexuality as something to be defined by men.

More about Stacy at stacyreuille.com, on her blog at stacyrd.com,